Nearly Six Months Sober--Hitting the Pandemic Wall
As a girl I learned that I was a little too much. Too much big emotion. Too much sensitivity. Too much creativity. Too much. To deal with that too muchness--I was taught to eat. A little food surely makes any big emotion better. And of course, what's not to like about a sweet treat? Of course, the double bind of this was not to get fat...dreaded FAT. No one likes fat girls. Thus began my lifelong struggle with how to I be these two selves---the girl with the big emotions that should be seen and the girl that people like. From this I say I became a compulsive take the edge offer. Any way to numb or conceal the big emotions just a little bit so that I can perfect and people please. AKA--not be abandoned. In my mid-forties, I had been fairly controlled in this practice. Not over-eating. Not over-drinking. Not over-working. I knew just how much was enough and spent great amounts of en...