Waking Up Sober

 When I started this blog two days ago, much of it was inspired by and in hopes of what Mrs. D, Sober Mummy, and UnPickled chronicle in their blogs.  How the blogosphere became a place for community.  So after debating...I decided to type my way in. Once I entered I realized that I had no idea how to connect with other bloggers.  When I google it--it all seems consumer driven. ARG!  I found myself screaming inside. WHY WHY WHY for the love of all that is holy must we commoditize things?  This is not to say that what I seek isn't there...just that the first two pages of Google were all about how to utlize blogs as marketing, how to make money off your blog, and how to insert yourself in the blog world all with the goals of 1.  getting known 2.  making money 3.  advancing an agenda for yourself My hope with this blog is to connect with others and have the warm experiences chronicled by others... Is it too late for that?  Has the blog bus l...

 My whole being feels exhausted...physically yes.  But there's a level of emotional, mental, and spiritual depletion as well.  Yesterday was *supposed* to be a gentle day where I gave myself room. And then--I had a tech issue with work that I needed to address.  I had some work that I told myself I *couldn't say no to* (I own my own business--so I'm my own mean boss) Add to that hubby and I have been working primarily from home together for one year with little other adult social interaction.  (I've been out for some work but he's been in our basement working virtually for a year). So needless to say, I get whatever unpleasantness has been stirred in him. Pre-alcohol free me--I was superb at managing all of this and calmly processing when he would take shit out on me/advocate for myself.  All very cool, calm, and collected.  Self-regulated if you will. Now--not so much. My energy level and capacity are less with work. And all my emotions come to the su...

As a girl I learned that I was a little too much.  Too much big emotion.  Too much sensitivity.  Too much creativity.  Too much. To deal with that too muchness--I was taught to eat.  A little food surely makes any big emotion better.  And of course, what's not to like about a sweet treat?  Of course, the double bind of this was not to get fat...dreaded FAT.  No one likes fat girls.  Thus began my lifelong struggle with how to I be these two selves---the girl with the big emotions that should be seen and the girl that people like. From this I say I became a compulsive take the edge offer.  Any way to numb or conceal the big emotions just a little bit so that I can perfect and people please.  AKA--not be abandoned.  In my mid-forties, I had been fairly controlled  in this practice.   Not over-eating.  Not over-drinking.  Not over-working.  I knew just how much was enough and spent great amounts of en...