It's the Feeling I CRAVE Not the Wine?!?

 The last month have been a string of long, long days.  I'm a solo-preuner. AKA small business owner with a business of one.  ME!  Needless to say that last year has been full of ups, downs, sideways, and everything in-between.  Although with the nature of my work, I've continued working the whole time and been able to pivot to virtual and now a hybrid of "a little bit of both," it's been long.  And I'm weary.

Weary from pivoting and weary because the work is different and it's hard.  And I think I'm weary because I've been sober for six months and also off sugar mostly, so my dopamine isn't getting hits from anything but real life.  Apparently, this also means that I'm acutely more aware of my feelings and bodily sensations. 

So, last night I finish my day at 6:00 p.m.  I'm exhausted.  I had a HORRIBLE night's sleep the night before.  (I realize I've grown accustomed to good night's sleep and apparently have been taking them for granted.). So, I'm wiped out and all I want to do is go to our favorite restaurant and have dinner out.  Oh, how I miss you dining out!  This place also serves my FAVORITE red blend.  But as I allowed myself to lean into my desire for dinner out and actually feel the sensations, I realized I was not craving red wine.  

STOP.

You read that correctly--I wasn't craving the glass of wine.  I craved the feeling of sitting in the restaurant.  Having someone come and serve me.  Of no dinner prep.  No mess.  No dishes.  Of an hour or two with my hubby where we could just be and connect.

This feels like a monumental moment for me.  It's not the wine but the feeling.  AND I can envision the feeling WITHOUT the wine.  Not quite sure where this leads...but seemed important to note.

With you on the journey,

Sober Seeker

Comments

  1. SobrieTMarch 20, 2021 at 1:44 PM

    My first time at a restaurant was I think just two days after I quit. That experience was so uncomfortable when we first sat down, and the waitress came by asking for our drink order. I was also so jealous of the table that was ordering bottles of wine. I've only had one other dining out experience and that was a couple of weeks ago. For me, I'm learning more and more that I used alcohol because I was uncomfortable and insecure. Even on dates with my husband - I used alcohol to be "more fun." Now, it's about realizing that I can be confident and secure without it, and really the alcohol ultimately keeps me stuck in insecurity. Great job identifying the root of your feelings and cravings!

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