Bargaining

 The last week has been rather uneventful externally. But internally, it feels like I'm shadow boxing.  Something seems like it awakened or ignited when I had the restaurant experience of --oh I just want comfort, not cabernet.  And then crossed the 6-month mark.  To be honest, I hadn't really been thinking about forever.  That seemed too much.  Too fast.  Too far.  But as I move closer to the year mark AND the world begins to open up, I find myself starting to ponder the f word...forEVER.  This means it really might be a break-up.  

If this is a break-up--which is my current working metaphor--then I know I'm going to be grieving.  Well, it appears that I'm currently in the bargaining phase of grief.  

 What if's.

How about's.

Could it be's.

If only's.

Oh my Lord, it is exhausting.  

Any wisdom from the peanut gallery welcome on this one...how do you move through bargaining without succumbing or becoming bitter or flopping over-exhausted?

With you on the journey,

Sober Seeker


Comments

  1. SobrieTApril 3, 2021 at 8:52 AM

    Last Wednesday, I had to take a detour home that took me through our downtown area. It was the first sunny and 70 weather of the year. There were tons of people in outdoor seating at bars, breweries and restaurants - their drinks glistening in the sun. I was SO jealous. It looked SO fun. I felt sad for a few minutes. Then I remembered that there is no way it would have ended there. I bet most of those people will enjoy their 1-3 drinks and go home - no more for the night. That would have just been the beginning for me. Instead, I went home and took my dog for a long walk in the sun - something I wouldn't have wanted to do if I had been drinking.

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